3 important parenting realizations:

1. Sleep: There is a direct correlation between the hours of sleep I get and whether I see the glass as empty or full.

I knew I loved sleep before I had a baby, but I didn't realize how deeply it affected my mood and personality. It is amazing how fast a nap can clear away the clouds from my life.

I have always thought of myself as an optimist, but now I would define myself in more relative terms. The amount of optimism and good nature I have is directly proportional to the amount of sleep I get.

2. Patience: I thought I had more than I actually do.

I remember moments when I would be sitting in traffic, and someone would cut me off, I would feel the anger rising, and I would then remind myself to take a deep breath, and remember that I have probably done the same to someone else before. The anger would dissipate and I would revel in my ability to remain calm.

Standing in front of a screaming baby, my eyes aching from sleep, my brain rushing through the regular list : fed, changed, napped, burped....then what?

Let's just say I can take a hundred deep breaths, but still patience is not so easily attained.

3. Time: It's precious...

My baby is growing fast. The rolling over has now turned into crawling and standing, before I know it the "ma maas" and "baa baas" are going to turn into "no nos" and "I wants". I have to remind myself to savor each stage, it is fleeting.

Time I get to myself is also very precious. I am always amazed when I think back to how much time I had before I had a baby. What did I do with all that time?

Needless to say, I try to be very conscious about how I spend the few hours I get to myself now.

What is the What By Dave Eggers

I read an excellent book (a while ago) about a Sudanese man's life during the Sudanese war. It is an amazing account of his escape from his burning village as a young boy, his life in a permanent refugee camp in Kenya, and then his re-settlement in the U.S. It is really a very inspiring and eye-opening story. I am amazed at the human spirit, how much suffering it can take and still bounce back strong.

All proceeds from the book go to his organization that is now building a school in his village in Sudan : http://www.valentinoachakdeng.org/

A Dating Rule?

As a woman, how would you react if you heard a man say, “She is a woman, she should offer to cook me meals.” It would not sit too well with any of us I think. In the past, we accepted certain roles: men were the hunter/gatherers or the bread winners while women stayed home to take care of the cooking and the children. But these days, both men and women work, so naturally the old roles have to be adjusted. Cooking and taking care of the kids should be shared, if the bread-winning is shared. Agreed?

Then how would you react to this statement made by women, “He is a guy, he should pay or offer to pay when he takes me out on a date!” Isn’t it also true that since both men and women work and earn money, it is only fair that both should be expected to split a bill even if it is a first date? If we agree that the old roles are changing, why do we women keep holding on to this one? What do you think ladies;) ?

Restlessness

My mind is uneasy, there is so much to be done.
But I can't sit down to do it.
I am restless, I could watch T.V,
but I am sick of the garbage.
I could read,
but I am sick of being told.
I could sit and stare,
but there is so much to be done.
So I go outside,
but there is too much noise.

So I climb.
The silence sinks in,
and I remember,
the wind in the trees is what I really need.
My restlessness flies away.

Taking a Step back...

I am on a 3 month leave of absence from work currently. On the surface, the leave is for traveling. We have been to Hawaii for a week to attend a wedding, and we were in the east coast for a week visiting family and friends (fortunate enough to also enjoy the awesome fall colors!). We are in Singapore now, heading to India next to visit family, ....our journey is really just starting!
I think at a deeper level, we wanted to take a leave , to take a step back. Step back from our busy lives. We have so many ideas and thoughts about how we want to live, but its hard to implement anything when we are living life at 100mph! We wanted to just stop and think, see the big picture. I think of when I look at a large painting from up close and only see a part of it clearly, but when I take a step back, I am able to see the entire piece and judge it more accurately. But then the question is , how do we get anything real from taking this leave? It is so easy to get pulled into another routine, become sight-seeing robots:)

It has been great not working, not having to worry about deadlines or projects, or have that constant stressed out feeling. Yet, it has also reminded me that its not that I don't like or want to work, its just that I don't want to loose myself in my work so much that it consumes me and I forget to live. Only after 3 weeks off did I completely unwind, and found myself again, its weird, like layers of stress had just been mounting, without me even noticing!

The key I think is to stay conscious of these little shifts and realizations, and not to loose sight of the real reason for taking this leave... to take a step back:)

Meditations...

In August, we spent a week backpacking in the Sierras, near Yosemite, CA. Leaving the fast paced silicon valley life, to spend a week in the wilderness was an experience that caused alot of subtle changes in me...
At home I have the comforts of my sofa, tv, a bed, and most importantly, a bathroom. But in the wilderness it was dirt, trees, rivers, and what I carry on my back for the entire week. I especially missed these comforts when i got food poisoning the first night!
I struggled with trying to deal with the physical pain of hiking with a heavy pack, feeling the physical weakness after recovering from the sickness, and then also having to deal with my thoughts and emotions all while trying to focus on my breath and my next steps. There was no escape. I had to be there fully.
As the week went on though, it was amazing how I could actually feel my self slowing down, my thoughts and emotions calming down. Settling into a place where i smile more, laugh from a deeper place, where whats infront of me IS whats on my mind.

I felt like I was in meditation the entire week. In the beginning, there is alot of unrest, in the mind and in the body, then the thoughts are all over the place, eventually a silence prevails, that is so deep and all that exists is my breath.

It was some of the toughest hiking I have ever done, and yet some of the most beautiful.

The beauty up there is hard to describe in words, here is my attempt:

Where the roaring of the cars,
is replaced by the roaring of the rivers,
the sound of the water, louder than I remember.
The dirt set free
from the clutches of cement,
allowed to roam freely about, without a duster to chase it down.
Weeds, allowed to grow as they please,
instead of having to sneak around the cracks
appreciated,
they are wild flowers here!
Trees that aren't planted in orderly rows
but allowed to let the wind, and rain and sun decide.
The mountains, empty, still , majestic.
not cluttered with electric poles and human dwellings.
Our fellow earthlings
free.
no cages here
no pests here, nor pets. this is home.
Where the same clear wind that touches my face, touches the pink clouds,
touches the water, as the bright sun sets.
Causing ripples to run free, across the many icey, blue lakes...
as free as nature can be...
Isn't this how its meant to be?

(my) Inspiration...

I was going through a document I have where I paste my favorite poems and quotes, and I ran across this poem by Rev Heng Sure

Being brittle and hard is easy;
It takes courage to be kind.
Being stingy and selfish comes naturally to the weak;
It takes strength to be compassionate.
Holding on to the self is not wisdom;
It takes faith to let go.
Doubts and fear are greed for benefit;
It takes giving to be happy.

--Rev. Heng Sure

It reminded me of how much inspiration I find in his words and peace in his presence.